Not Being a Mother Doesn’t Make Me Any Less of a Woman

March 29, 2015 10:53 am 10 comments Views:

“Why didn’t you have children?”

I am always amazed when someone asks me this abrupt question. But people do ask.

“You wouldn’t understand. You are not a mother.”

I take a deep breath and hold my thoughts when another woman says this to me.

My decision not to have children is personal. But, since you asked…

When I was younger, it was a practical choice. I was single, running a business, traveling non-stop and in debt. I was not comfortable raising a child alone and unable to provide the time and resources I felt a child deserves. I married late, settled into life as a couple after years of being single and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Chemotherapy placed me into menopause. There you have it.

I am no less of a woman because I did not have children. Yet, I have experienced a glass wall come up when other women who are mothers say to me,

“Motherhood made me a complete and better person.”

“My life is more fulfilling.”

“I am less selfish and more caring.”

Just because I am not a mother does not mean that I am selfish or my life is incomplete. I have a very happy, fulfilling life that I embrace with appreciation and enthusiasm. I am a proud daughter of a wonderful mother who is, thankfully, healthy and vibrant. I live with purpose and compassion and no regrets… and no excuses.

The Mommy Track was not the path my life took, but it does not mean I went in the wrong direction. There are no right or wrong directions if we all navigate them with grace, kindness and passion. I respect and appreciate all mothers — and dads — and only ask that those of us who remained childless receive equal respect.

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they are lost.

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  • Alice

    I’m with u It’s your choice to have children or not so I’m still young but I’m not thinking of marriage and all that stuff

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  • Roger Mendoza

    Motherhood complete a woman. It make their lives more meaningful and fulfilled. The writer is in denial of this for obvious reason. When one reaches 60+ yrs. old you will look back and start to regret that with all those times you spent for yourself chasing after the world and dreams everything will now end to nothing having no one to leave your legacies behind, no children and grand children to come over your house and enjoy the weekends or the seasons, no one to come over to visit you on your sickbed except maybe your husband if he is still around. By that time you will start to reallized the dread that you are all alone in this world and has lived a pathetic life all along. If a woman has a chance to get married the joy of motherhood encompasses everything. Sad this writter missed that moment.

    • Sreekala Radhakrishnan

      You are neither a woman or mother to be so condescending towards the writer and give this misguided opinion….. You sound completely clueless…

      • Roger Mendoza

        I have four cousins, a sister in-law and a few friends who got old and never having a child of their own and all of them have one thing in common: the feeling of emptiness, lacking and regrets for not having a family of their own (even to a cousin who is infertile). They may be rich and had been to places all over the world but money just can’t buy a family. Women who has no children are completely clueless what motherhood is all about. Justifying a selfish decision for having no children because of being so busy chasing dreams and material riches is to me, misguided at best.

  • Abhishek Oza

    Word to word, this article is 100% spot on. More people must express themselves like this.

  • Corina-Elena Burtea

    it’s ok to do what you want or what you can.. better never have kids than can’t support them – for example-
    I even saw a woman who wanted to give birth even if she was not supposed to do it (medical problems).. guess what!?: doctors were right! (and I am so sorry to say that)