What life was like before getting sucked into the vortex of the internet.
1. You wake up in the morning and the ‘larm gives out a warning…
You don’t think you’ll ever make it on time (but it’s all right, ‘cause you’re saved by the bell).
2. Put on your LA Gear sneakers, oversized neon T-shirt, and matching jeans and denim jacket.
3. Your bangs or spiky crew cut can only be controlled by Dep hair gel.
Even Barbie uses it.
4. If you’re a girl, finish off your hairdo with a shoelace barrette or scrunchie.
The brighter, the better.
5. Eat Froot Loops for breakfast.
Remember when it only had three colors before they added green? And Apple Jacks only had one color?
6. Fight your brother for the Matchbox car prize at the bottom of the cereal box.
Give it to him when your mom reminds you that you got the Hot Wheels at the bottom of the Cheerios box last week.
7. Beg your parents to buy 10 rolls of wrapping paper for your school fundraiser.
Then bug every family member and neighbor in a 500-mile radius. You reallllllllywant that double cassette player as a prize, but need to sell at least 100 rolls.
8. Read Goosebumps, The Babysitters Club, Sweet Valley Twins, or Choose Your Own Adventure on the way to school.
Finally learn the truth about Stacey.
9. Hide your wrist in the pocket of your denim jacket, because you don’t want your teacher to confiscate your slap bracelet.
You might slit your wrist and bleed to death.
10. Carry around a giant Trapper Keeper, even if you don’t need one.
If you’re a boy, you have a high-tech, futuristic design. If you’re a girl, it’s all about Lisa Frank. All with matching folders.
11. Store your four-colored pen and erasable Papermates in your automatic pencil case.
12. Read Scholastic News in social studies.
Pretend to understand who Saddam Hussein is. Debate whether George Bush, Bill Clinton, or Ross Perot will win the presidential election, based on whom your parents are voting for.
13. Computer class means Mario Teaches Typing orMath Blaster.
You’d rather play Oregon Trail.
14. Lunchtime! It’s peanut butter and jelly, Dunkaroos, and Ecto Cooler.
If your parents are worried about sugar, you’re stuck with raisins and Juicy Juice. (Or even worse — Apple & Eve.)
15. Play MASH with your friends while you eat.
Get stuck marrying the class nerd. Again.
16. Get knocked hard in the ankle by some girl’s Skip-It at recess.
Try not to cry.
17. It’s Scholastic or Troll book club day!
You want to order Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, but your dad wants you to buy a biography on Harriet Tubman.
18. After school, go to your friend’s house to play Super Nintendo and watch The Disney Channel.
You don’t have either. She probably has a computer too.
19. If you’re home, watch Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? and pray the winning gumshoe doesn’t get the Africa map.
Be baffled when the winner chooses Minnesota as the state she wants to visit. Switch the channel to Double Dare when you’re done and wonder why anyone would want to win a set of encyclopedias.
20. Realize you need encylopedias when it’s time to write a report on family life in the 1880s.
21. Go to the library to Xerox photos for your report at 10 cents per copy.
Waste $1.20 trying to get the resolution and contrast right.
22. Walk to the corner store to buy baseball cards and M&M’s with what’s left of your weekly allowance.
Little did you know that a few years later the tan would be replaced with blue.
23. Play outside until the streetlights turn on.
End your neighborhood game of hide-and-seek with “Olly olly oxen free!”
24. Organize your Disney VHS collection.
Yell at your sister for forgetting to rewind The Little Mermaid again.
25. It’s Friday night, and the mood is right… And you know exactly what TGIF stands for.
It’s the only night you’re allowed to stay up until 10 p.m.