1. I can’t believe we even need to have this debate. I mean, just look at this guy.
2. And this guy.
3. And this guy.
4. But OK, let’s build our argument. Throughout history, beards have conferred prestige.
5. And gravitas.
By Matthew Inman.
6. For many of the careers that matter, beards are practically a prerequisite.
7. Plus, bearded men are more attractive. This has been proved by science.
That’s according to a study by the University Of New South Wales. The optimum level of face fuzz was found to be heavy stubble: ten days’ growth.
8. A decent beard can transform a pasty nerd into a rugged hunk.
9. A baby-faced dweeb into a revolutionary.
10. Some random dude into the director of Star Wars.
11. A tie-wearing nobody into an operatic powerhouse.
12. And a past-his-prime actor…
Into an Oscar winner.
13. There are practical benefits too. Growing a beard means you can say good-bye to one of mankind’s most tedious tasks.
14. Other things you can do with a beard? Well, it gives you something to stroke while you’re thinking.
15. You can use it to accentuate your insults.
16. Intimidate your enemies.
17. And enchant women.
18. You can grow it into the shape of a cage. Then drink tea through it.
That is all real beard hair. Filmed at the 1991 Beard and Moustache Growing Contest in Tacoma.
19. And if it’s big enough, you can sell advertising on it.
Kentucky-based ad agency Cornett-IMS allows men with beards to earn money by placing miniature “beardboards” in them.